Update December 13, 2015

Dhaka 7-54 am, 26-October, 2020

Don’t repeat mistakes from your past relationships

Sumel Sarker


Don’t repeat mistakes from your past relationships

13 December 2015, Nirapad News: Good, bad or ugly, relationships are a part of life. While, we all expect a fairy tale romance, we fail to understand that every relationship has its highs and lows that result in common mistakes. And, as we move on, these are the five lessons we must keep in mind.

Don’t depend on someone else to be happy.

Your partner should not be the sole reason for your happiness but heshe should definitely be a part of it. Even when you are madly in love, ensure that you give enough space to each other. Going out, having fun, meeting people or travelling need not be dependent on your partner’s schedule. Learn to spend quality time by yourself and with the people you love (friends, parents, etc.) and doing things you feel good about. A happy you will make a happier relationship. One must have the confidence to lead a fulfilled life on their own, you cannot depend on your partner for every small thing. In fact, too much closeness will only lead to tiffs.

Stay independent in your approach, learn to keep yourself happy even when you are alone, says counsellor Atul Purohit.

Do not expect things to be perfect None of us are made perfect, and our flaws are something that define us. Do not expect your partner to be someone right out of your dreams; this will create a lot of pressure to sustain the relationship. In fact, a lot of people lie to their partners about their likes and dislikes, their capabilities, as well as their finances, just to avoid disappointment, says clinical psychologist Raina Bhist. There is nothing like a perfect relationship, a knight in shining armour or a damsel in distress. These can only be a part of fairy tales. We are all human, and we all make mistakes. Do not have unrealistic, high expectations from your partner. This could lead to heartbreak. Make sure you are doing enough to make the relationship work, and everything else will fall in place.

Never avoid a confrontation Things complicate when you do not talk, so never pile up issues, fearing a confrontation. Effective communication is something that we all practice at our workplace. However, it is our relationships that need communication the most. A confrontation will either make you feel better or shatter you completely; whatever it is, get a closure to issues that have been snowballing over time. The sooner you talk about an issue, there are better chances of it being resolved. Avoiding an issue is escapism, facing it with courage is what makes us, as well as our bond stronger. Don’t take the easy way; confrontations can be hurtful, but they are equally helpful, adds Atul.

People can be fake Although we live in a real world, not all people you meet will display their real emotions. We all feel good when we hear the exact thing we are expecting to; this makes them seem trustworthy. However, it is only in a few serious situations that you will see the real side and realise, it was all a farce. It would come as a shock, but stay calm and learn to judge people the right way. We cannot change a person’s character, however, it is for us to understand that not everyone is worth our trust. Although, it is difficult to recognise if a person is fake or real, being cautious is the key, says Mandira

Ahuja, a relationship and marriage counsellor.
Do not lose control It’s about controlling each other’s lives while in a relationship; in fact it is about taking control of the relationship as a whole. Remember to be the frontman of your relationship and make sure you always give it direction; and never leave it struggling in the storm. Never lose control of how your relationship shapes up with time. It is your vision that would enhance the bond. Leaving it unattended will only make things go awry.

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